We at Jambalaya have decided to give out an award for the year of 2005 to the person who we felt left the best comments on entries; not the most, the best. Although this gentleman did probably leave the most, every single one of them was solid except for when he agreed with Eidle. Some of the highlights include:

• "If he is handicapped, I'm buying him crayons and a coloring book because I want a picture made by a handicap person."
  
• "Make it a New Years resolution to maim and utterly obliterate anyone who drops that phrase in front of you."
  
• "I could see this as Ryan Stauffer and Juliana Pinto's child."

We are awarding Matt Cassel with the "Commenter of the Year" award. Thank you Cassel, you mean a lot to us. Cassel, we are still working on some sort of tangible award, I hope for now the honor of winning will suffice. Odds are we will forget, but that doesn't take anything away from this. You are as much a member of this blog as any of us.

The only daytime talk show host to which I hold more disdain than Oprah Winfey is Dr. Phil. Everytime I see his shiny, hollow dome on the tube, I realize how unfair life truly is.

Dr. Phil somehow earned his PhD in psychology and embarked on a career as a "life strategist and psychologist." He founded his own company, Courtroom Sciences, Inc. in 1989, and helped Oprah Winfrey win her legal battle with cattle farmers in 1996. It was at this point in his career, all real "work" ceased, and he began making weekly appearances on Oprah Winfrey's show, giving marital advice.

After sucking Oprah's dick for a couple of years, Dr. Phil somehow managed to gather a following, and feeble-minded execs from CBS offered him his own syndicated talk show in 2002. Since that date, Dr. Phil has been giving lame, generic advice to anyone willing to face-up to his no non-sense demands to "get real." This includes telling married couples expieriencing communication problems to talk more, overweight people to eat less, and incessant male-bashing.

Advice given by Dr. Phil is nothing more than carefully disguised invective. Most of his solutions are so blatently obvious that I want to perform a tap dance on the face of Dr. Phil, as well as the guest asking the questions for not being able to formulate a solution themselves. These morons are only feeding the corporate monster that is Dr. Phil, and in the process are supplying TV's "favorite relationship guy" with enough material to write a thousand of those damn self-help books.

Dr Phil preys on the emotionally weak, and gains wealth at their expense. He is nothing but a bald, white, male Oprah Winfrey. Both spit nothing more than lame clichés and feed off the insecurities of mindless Americans to fill their ever-growing bank accounts. He is a no-talent, no balls, hypocritical, feminist, pop-psychologist bitch who has made a career of doing nothing but bashing men and giving lame, psuedo-advice. I hope his wife leaves him, and he develops an eating disorder.

With all of the other retail stores which sell music, dvd's and other assorted media, it is beyond my comprehension why anyone still shops at Sam Goody.

I hate Sam Goody. Rarely do they have the cd that I want, and when they do, it is even more rare to find it selling at a fair price.

The music they play in the store is generally of the "god-awful" genre, and they have it playing incredibly loud.

I always seem to have trouble finding the cd or dvd I am looking for because they are often times out of alphabetical order. On my most recent visit, I was looking for a Ben Folds cd, but couldn't find it. I asked an employee to help me find it, and he was successful. The thing was, he found it in the "I" section. Neither "Ben" nor "Folds" have the letter "I" in their titles, let alone anywhere in their name. I question this, as well as the employee who knew exactly where it was.

I hate how they always ask me if I brought my REPLAY card.

I hate their massive rack of singles, which reminds me all too much of Matt Fritz's actual cd collection.

I hate the stores colors. I find it aesthetically abrasive.

I hate the employees.

I hate their lackluster Jimmy Buffett collection.

I hate the CD's they have on sale out on those lame cardboard-stands right when you walk in.

I hate the name Sam Goody.

Put simply, I think Sam Goody sucks. I will occasionaly shop there, but only when FYE doesn't have what I'm looking for. FYE has a used rack man... a used rack.

Let me start off by saying that Yak is a great friend and I'm not out to hurt his feelings. With that said, I think it is very possible that Yak is mentally handicapped. I'm sure most of you are familiar with Anchorman, Yak loves it. Yak reminds me of Brick. Take note of the picture of him grabbing his junk. I cant think of all the specific examples to prove my theory, but I do recall a few. Yak was with Fritz and I when we bought Jeff's Christmas present. He heard us talk about it, he saw us look at it, he saw us buy it, and heard us talk about it more in the car after we bought it. Then, right before Yak got out of the car to go home, he asked what we got Jeff. Yak uses exclamation points like its nobody's business. He also will often make a statement in the form of a question, confusing everyone, including himself. Example: "I like your boots?" I first seriously considered this at Festivus when Yak's grievance to Hause was "Hause... why are you so weird? I wish you would be weird again."



just kidding yak, i know you arent mentally handicapped

With Hanukkah upon us, I felt it was necessary to pay homage to famous Hebrews everywhere.

• Jake Gyllenhaal
• Adam Sandler
• Ben Stiller
• Harrison Ford
• Natalie Portman
• Bette Midler
• Jerry Seinfeld
• Steven Spielberg
• Evan and Jaron
• John Feinstein
• Mitch Albom
• Tony Kornheiser
• Bob Saget
• Brad Garret
• Shawn Green
• Adrian Brody
• James Caan
• Chris Berman
• Matthew Broderick
• Jason Alexander
• Woody Allen
• Rich Eisen
• Kenny G
• Gideon Yago
• Paul Simon
• Billy Crystal
• Daniel Stern
• and even Pauly Shore (just for you, Steve)

...To you, I wish a safe and happy Hanukkah, as well as to any other famous Jewish men or women I failed to mention. Enjoy the eight crazy nights.

Barbara Streisand and Joe Lieberman... I hope your menorahs get knocked off of their respective tables and your candles burn out.