After the longest hiatus in the the blogs storied history, I (the person who writes the most), has decided to step up and produce some new material.
That's right. I'm calling you out Steve/DaPheel. Step up your games.
Anyway... let's get on the subject of flatulence.
I'm talking about farts people. Ripping. Cuttin' cheese. Bustin' ass. Stepping on a toad. Southerly wind. Barking spiders (some guy at the golf course told me that one).
Since the beginning of time, people from all walks of life have been farting. And since around that same time, people have been loving it. In the middle ages, loudly breaking wind was an act of appreciation to the housewife. Martin Luther is quoted as supposedly having said Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket? ("Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?").
While farting has turned from complimentary to offensive, it has managed to maintain its entertainment value. The dizzying array of exit rumbles and intoxicating odors are more than enough to arouse a chuckle/guffaw in those standing witness to the act.
To a fart, age is just a number. The humor of flatulence is appreciated not only by the developing minds of 5 year olds, but by men and women of all ages. Laughing at a fart is not a sign of immaturity; it is the litmus test for a rich and well developed sense of humor.
Other than its "offensive" odor, I find the fart's classification as offensive to be ridiculous. Some of my best childhood memories involve an amazing act of flatulence. I specifically recall three incidences.
1. SSR; sustained silent reading, 6th grade. I was reading one of those My Teacher is a Vampire books, when my stomach started to gurgle. Before I knew it, I had farted so loud that everyone was laughing, including Mr. Yoder. The only person not to laugh was Kevin Dugan, so everyone assumed him to be the "perpetrator." He adamately denied. I never owned up to the fart; a sign of my immaturity. Now, I would own up to that right away.
2. Gym Class; push up test, 5th grade. The constant and rapid abdominal contractions began to play games with my intestinal tract, and I involuntarily "busted ass." With Ms. Ogden standing close, and one of my classmates holding my ankles, there was no hiding. Again, another fairly silent situation with a very loud fart.
3. Babe Ruth Baseball, 7th grade. First team meeting of the season, and Mr. Laird was talking. I farted. Soon there after, I ran a lap.
I encourage you to comment and leave stories of your best work. Michelle, I know you have some stories to contribute. Let's shed the stigma and make the fart an "okay" thing again. Its humor has sustained us as a people for thousands and years, and it is just wrong that it is now considered offensive.
That's right. I'm calling you out Steve/DaPheel. Step up your games.
Anyway... let's get on the subject of flatulence.
I'm talking about farts people. Ripping. Cuttin' cheese. Bustin' ass. Stepping on a toad. Southerly wind. Barking spiders (some guy at the golf course told me that one).
Since the beginning of time, people from all walks of life have been farting. And since around that same time, people have been loving it. In the middle ages, loudly breaking wind was an act of appreciation to the housewife. Martin Luther is quoted as supposedly having said Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket? ("Why don't you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?").
While farting has turned from complimentary to offensive, it has managed to maintain its entertainment value. The dizzying array of exit rumbles and intoxicating odors are more than enough to arouse a chuckle/guffaw in those standing witness to the act.
To a fart, age is just a number. The humor of flatulence is appreciated not only by the developing minds of 5 year olds, but by men and women of all ages. Laughing at a fart is not a sign of immaturity; it is the litmus test for a rich and well developed sense of humor.
Other than its "offensive" odor, I find the fart's classification as offensive to be ridiculous. Some of my best childhood memories involve an amazing act of flatulence. I specifically recall three incidences.
1. SSR; sustained silent reading, 6th grade. I was reading one of those My Teacher is a Vampire books, when my stomach started to gurgle. Before I knew it, I had farted so loud that everyone was laughing, including Mr. Yoder. The only person not to laugh was Kevin Dugan, so everyone assumed him to be the "perpetrator." He adamately denied. I never owned up to the fart; a sign of my immaturity. Now, I would own up to that right away.
2. Gym Class; push up test, 5th grade. The constant and rapid abdominal contractions began to play games with my intestinal tract, and I involuntarily "busted ass." With Ms. Ogden standing close, and one of my classmates holding my ankles, there was no hiding. Again, another fairly silent situation with a very loud fart.
3. Babe Ruth Baseball, 7th grade. First team meeting of the season, and Mr. Laird was talking. I farted. Soon there after, I ran a lap.
I encourage you to comment and leave stories of your best work. Michelle, I know you have some stories to contribute. Let's shed the stigma and make the fart an "okay" thing again. Its humor has sustained us as a people for thousands and years, and it is just wrong that it is now considered offensive.
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as most of you know, i often claim that i dont emit bodily fluids, gasses, or odors, ever. after going on one of my rants about this particular subject, an incredibly rare event occured while playing cranium with steve tirzah and kevin. if i recall correctly a small toot may have come from my direction of the board game...the game ended abruptly after that
First things first; good entry, yo! Second, i wish to tell a tale. I did some good work on the class trip. I dont know what got into me. But i know what was leaving! Steve and Tirzah were fast to detect my work. "Yak"? is all they had to say. Of course, i admitted to them. After a while, it became a little joke of mine to blame others. It was, basically, a one sided joke, only being funny to me.
I have another story for you, taking place in line for the Tower of Terror. We were watching the story behind the Tower and tolds the end i had a fantastic idea. I made a fart sound with my mouth, as we all did in our youth. I was not surprised in the least that it got some laughs. THE END!
the first step is admitting...
that's beautiful.
anyone else?
in 10th grade the push up test i two had got a case of the farts and ripped them on poor mike irwin. Also i dutch oven stauffer at least 3 times on the class trip. i was naked for two of them.
This one time, at the beach... I shit.
This one time, at the beach... I shit.
Fuckin Fritz! It was the 7th grade. Around the time when you would do anything to be popular and hang out with the cool kids. I remember sitting next to Matt Fritz during an assembly. It was really quiet and all of a sudden Fritz lets out an echoing beef. The kid must have shit his pants or tore them in the ass or something it was so deafening loud. The kid points at me and says it was me that farted. I will never forget that Fritz you ass hole. But I will forgive you cuz you are my cuz!
I can't remember the exact grade, but during a junior high assembly I started to laugh at a question that a student had for the performer. This laughter caused me to rip extremely loudly. It reverberated off those hard wooden seats so that everyone within a 5 row radius (blatant estimate) could hear. People turned in my direction, i panicked, and picked a scapegoat. It just so happens that i was sitting next to none other than Travis Eidle. I immediately started pointing at him (It was junior high...i got scared). People believed that it was him even though he insisted otherwise. Only 3 people knew what had actually taken place that day. Travis,myself, and juliana pinto, who just so happened to be sitting on the other side of me. I'm sure she felt the vibration, and knew i was the culprit. Luckily for me she kept her Stauffer loving mouth shut.