The nation of Australia has launched a new advertising campaign that cost about 133 million in an attempt to attract tourist by cursing at them. It is about bloody time a nation grew the balls to advertise with some curse words. Now their version of curse words "bloody" and "Hell" aren't nearly as offensive as I would prefer, but its a decent start.

The United States should with out a doubt copy this campaign. New Jersey is basically the same as a worn torn Eastern Europe where mass genocide and rape goes on every day. New Jersey could start a campaign saying: "Come to New Jersey, We Are Twice As Fucked Up As You!" or the word "Fuck" would do just fine. Every time anyone ever enters that state the first word to come out of their mouth is "Fuck" followed by either :

A.) Why am I hear?
B.) Is that a lake or a toxic dumping ground?
C.) Is the sky suppose to be that color?
D.) All of the above with an added 5 "Fucks" at the end.

As you can see I am clearly loving the fact that I have an excuse to say the word "Fuck" again in this blog. Incorporating curse words into advertisement not only draws attention to it, but it also is how everyone talks. Australia, land of Kangaroos, nude beaches, clean water, and Rugby. Also a neighbor or New Zealand, the location of the lord of the rings. Everyone is thinking why the hell aren’t I in Australia? Why the hell am I sitting in a house surrounded by snow when I could be inside the pouch of a fucking kangaroo? Australia should be asking, "Are you all bloody fucking retarded?"

I know what your thinking, and I have a pheeeling it starts with an F.

When it comes to bathroom etiquette, I used to be among the strictest of the strict. I didn't talk at urinals. Not one peep. It was just my style. No matter if I had been previously engaged in a conversation, or whether someone was trying to talk to me, when my jahn was exposed, my mouth was closed.

I have given up the policy of urinal silence because as I have grown older, and more confident with myself. Sure, I still would prefer silence, but if someone is going to start up a dialogue, I'm no longer opposed to it. That's a sign of maturation... I hope.

One facet of bathroom etiquette in which I may have regressed resides in the realm of the actual urination process. I used to hate when people would pee right into the water, as opposed to aiming their stream at the back wall. The unnecessary noise... the possibility for splattering... the sheer arrogance. All of the aforementioned bothered the hell out of me.

Yet one day last week, everything changed. I had to make water in a bad way. The 500's hall bathroom was locked, so I ventured upstairs. While alone in the 600's hall bathroom, something came over me. I had an epiphany. I decided to free myself from my inhibitions, and throw caution to the wind. I took out my tool, and aimed it not at the back wall, but at the water. As the urine hit my reflection in the water, it was as though I was saying goodbye to the old Kevin, and hello to the new.

For the first time in my urinal life, I felt alive. I felt in control. I was a painter, and the urinal was my canvas. The noise of my "water" hitting the urinal's water was not only exhilerating... it was fun.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I was unfair in my criticism of those who peed directly into the water. I had no right to condemn them for something which I had never really intentionally tried myself. Urinating right into the water is something that I really enjoy, and I apologize to anyone who may have caught a scowl from me while doing this act.

It may be considered "immature" to pee right into the water, but I don't care. It's fun. I suggest this to all of you; enjoy yourself in the bathroom. The holy house of tiles should be a place of merriment, not strictly business. Don't worry about proper bathroom ettiquette. Drop your pants all the way to your ankles. Stand on top of the urinal and pee down. Take part in a buddy dump. Talk up a storm (Of course never, EVER, pee directly next to someone else when another urinal is available, but I think that goes without saying). Most of all...have fun. Expand your horizons. You'll thank me later.

Do you know who sucks? Meteorologists... or as they are more commonly referred, weathermen.

How many times has your local weatherman, be it Cecily Tynan, Glenn "hurricane" Schwartz, or even Good Morning America's Al Roker, led you astray. How many times have you anticipated snow and gotten rain? Prepared for warmth and found yourself cold? Expected sun and gotten clouds?

The answer is far too often. I wish I could have a job where I could be wrong 60% of the time, and still get paid. How hard is it? Watch for the god damn green blobson the doppler. Just watch them. They mean precipitation. They mean rain. I can tell that and I've had no formal training.

Yet the weatherman has trouble with this idea. When the weatherman tells me to expect thunderstorms, or "t-storms," I often times find the weather to be quite pleasing.

Part of my disdain for meteorologists is due in part to their hype of winter "storms." I am of the opinion that they just build these storms up to be a major topic of concern for their viewers, just to increase their ratings. They'll hook you in a week before the storm by saying we're expecting alot, but then are very vague about the amounts. Towards the middle of the week, they give their "estimate," which is generally enough to get kids excited and adults worried. Then, at the end of the week... all hell breaks lose. Estimated amounts will plummet and then skyrocket.

The predicted accumulation ranges suck, too. I'm sorry, but 7-14" (as i saw during the last "storm) isn't even a prediction... it's a ballpark. That is basically the weatherman admitting that "there is a big, darker green blob coming towards us, yet whatever training i received does not allow me to give you any better estimation."

I hate action news and those lame clouds with those lame sayings and jokes. I hate then day extended forecasts, because they aren't accurate after... well after the weatherman says, "here is our ten day extended forecast." I hate the weather channel. I hate the music that they play on the weatherscan channel on cable. I hate not knowing the difference between partly cloudy, and partly sunny.

I hate weathermen for their inability to predict the weather, but that is not the sole reason for my abhorrence towards them.

Weathermen are responsible for most of, if not all of the deaths in New Orleans.

That's right. You'd think I would blame the death of residents on their own inability to heed the warnings of the meteorologists, or their failure to recognize a huge, rotating hurricane-thing coming right at them... but you'd be wrong.

The citizens of New Orleans didn't believe a word those weathermen said, nor should they have. What reason have meteorologists given to their viewers to consider what they say to be valid. Just like the boy who cried wolf, the warnings of the meteorologists held little validity after so many false warnings and overhyped storms.

The loss of human life is a heavy burden, but I'm laying it right on your shoulders Al Roker. Right on your developing fetus Cecily Tynan. Right on your bow-tie Hurricane Schwartz. Forget you and your doppler radar, doppler effects, and doppler-tron. Forget your green screens and barometric pressure. Forget your wind speed and humidity. Forget you weathermen. Burn

In the two most recent posts in the blog, I have noticed that a few of the U.S. olympians have been criticized a little bit. I will admit right away that I barely skimmed the entries so I'm not terribly familiar with the material. I remember a few months ago, I made the declaration that team Sweden would win the gold in ice hockey, and I decided to root for them since a few of my favorite players(specifically Kim Johnsson) were on that team. The U.S. team is compiled of 6 or 7 former New Jersey Devils... a team I loathe, thats another reason I chose not to root for them. As it stands, team U.S.A is playing like crap, and Sweden is in the semis... even without their three best players(Forseberg, Nasland, and especially Johnsson). When I stated in front of my friends that I was rooting for Sweden, I received immediate criticism for not rooting for the U.S. I was told that even though I don't particularly care for any of the American players, I should root for the U.S. just because I live there. If I'm not mistaken, I was told this specifically by the authors of the previous two entries. Now, I'm not looking to make fun of either of them, nor am I looking for an apology. I just want to point out that I have a right to root for team Sweden. My favorite player, Johnsson, is on Sweden's team, and, even though he is injured and not playing, I initially gave my allegiance to Sweden's hockey team, and I'm sticking with them. Ask Hause, I told him sometime ago to write down that team Sweden would win gold, and he did, its on a pad of paper in front of his computer if you care to check.

Kev mentioned in his previous post two Olympic athletes I have some significant "beef" with. Bode "Drunken Bastard" Miller and Shani " I love myself" Davis. Two great athletes, Two big assclowns.

Bode Miller, a world champion skier, you my friend are a jackass. You brag about your late night partying and how you ski drunk sometimes as if its something to be proud of. You know what is something to be proud of? A gold medal, something you don’t fucking have Bode Miller. Instead of representing your country and giving it all you have, you spend the nights before you compete drinking at some bar like your in college. You made the statement that its not about the medals. That’s such an asinine comment I don’t think my brain can even comprehend what the hell that’s suppose to mean. Not about the medals? Your at the freaking Olympics? This isn’t some intramural sport where everyone wins and has fun, its the freaking Olympics. Not about the medals?

Shani Davis, you are freaking fast. Congrats on becoming the first African American to win an individual event. An achievement that gave you a gold medal, but it did not however, give you the right to be a total assclown. You refuse to skate with the team to help your country win another gold medal? You say that’s not what you came to Torino to do? Excuse me, but where do you get the balls to turn down an offer to represent your country? If you were in some battlefield in Iraq and your there to shoot rocket launchers, but you need to shoot a machine gun to save your friend, would you use the same excuse? I highly doubt it.

I question why people don’t take more pride in representing their country, it is such an honor and to let your ego or alcohol get in the way of it is such a disgrace.

With the winter olympics halfway over, its safe to say that the efforts of the athletes representing the ol' stars and stripes can be considered weak. After one week, we are in fourth place in the medal count, with little hope for improvement.

The big names have faltered. When I think winter olympics, a couple of names/things come to mind: Bode Miller, Apollo Ono, Michelle Kwan, Hockey, and Cool Runnings.

Considering all of the hype leading up to the olympics, Bode Miller has been terrible. Apollo fell during a big race (something which he is becoming known for), and Michelle Kwan backed out. The U.S. men's hockey team sucks and can't score goals. And Cool Runnings... well that's not even relevant.

The disappointment isn't strictly performanced based either. Snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis was doing phenomenally, and had the gold locked up until she decided to showboat with about 100m left in the race, and fell.

Even in success, the U.S. has disappointed. Shani Davis, the first African American to win an individual Winter Olympic Gold, refused to participate in the team speed skating event to which his world record time would greatly help his country win gold. "I could care less what people say about me," Davis said "I didn't come here to skate the team pursuit." What a douche.

From the apparent overkill of 80's music in the opening ceremonies, to ungrateful, unprepared "worldclass" athletes, the winter olympics of 2006 have disappoited me every step of the way.

I'm tired of seeing athletes with names I can't pronounce on the podium. While competition and diversity are great things, I want to dominate damnit. I want to watch an even knowing that an American athlete has a great chance of winning. I want to watch a men's hockey game against Latvia knowing that the US will win, not tie. I want to watch the Men's downhill without having to worry whether "bad-boy" Bode Miller will miss a gate or not. I want to watch the speed skating without seeing Korean's team skate their way to victory. I want to watch a medal ceremony without hearing O Canada, or some shitty anthem from eastern Europe.

I know that sounds like alot, but god damnit, we're the United States of America. We should dominate the medal count.

Its cocky; Its arrogant; but its true.

So blow me U.S. athletes in Torino, you have been terrible.