It's the most wonderful time of the year...

...and no, it's not Christmas. It's St. Patrick's Day, you morons.

St. Patrick was a dude who was originally a pagan, then converted to Christianity after he was sold into slavery by a group of Irish marauders. He returned to Ireland with hopes of "opening the eyes" of the "unenlightened" pagans, and converting them to Christianity.

Apparently, he did alot of pretty righteous things, like raising people from the dead. He also is said to have given a sermon from a hilltop that drove all the snakes from Ireland, and explained the Trinity through the three leaf clover/shamrock, showing how the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit could all exist as separate elements of the same entity... all that crap.

Well anyway, St. Patrick died on March 17, AD 461, and that's why we celebrate it now... but in a more secular fashion than its original religious intention... but that's how I like it.

Being Irish is like having a really great moustache. If you need me to explain this, I suggest you read the most recent CUB, but in short, you are of Irish lineage, you have gained membership to one of the most sacred and revered fraternites man has ever known. The Irish are a strong people, who have fought through potato famine, enslavement by the British, and incessant jokes about their pale skin. They have done this with class and dignity.

While this sense of pride lasts year round, March 17 is a day to be proud of your Irish heritage. A day to endulge in shepherd's pie... to embrace corned beef and cabbage.... to kiss the blarney stone... hell, to even enjoy a bowl of lucky charms and a god damn shamrock shake.

I am damn proud to be Irish.

This man, who happens to be the darkest individual I have ever laid eyes on, echoes my sentiments.

His name is Rodney Bovine, and he really just loves Ireland.

"I am still asking myself why more people are not like Irish people. I just don't know. The one thing that I do know for sure is that it feels good to be here in Ireland and that you should be proud to be Irish."

I just thought that was remarkable.

-HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY